the world is dark and we are alive

[dismallyoriented]

A brief Halloween post for y'all, two days before the Big Day. There's this tragic horror tabletop game called 10 Candles, in which you play doomed characters in the middle of a dark apocalypse. By doomed I mean "all your characters will die at the end". It's an incredibly atmospheric game - you play in darkness, and the title comes from the ten candles that are lit as part of the game. Each candle represents one scene, and as your characters fail rolls, the candles go out one by one, until you have the final one remaining and your characters have their last stand against the monsters. It's a tremendous experience, nigh ritualistic. My wife just ran a streamed oneshot for our tabletop oneshots discord, and it fucked severely.

This was a poem I wrote after my first ever game (also with my now-wife, way back in 2017).

---

Who are we
At this table with our triple-A torchlight
As the sun drains out from the sky

Who huddles with us
Here inside our plywood and polyester
as the rain beats tempered time against the roof

Keep the bulbs dimmed
for now is the hour of candles

I've heard fire has a memory
that passes on from stick to wick
from tongue to lips
to ears

Whether campsite or cliffside or manor
We may watch and smell and wonder
Paint the shadows on our walls
with sap and chalk and the gum in our back pockets

Divining
from the candles and our idle words
Giving shape to the dark around us
We call on something by these conjured names
To burrow its way into willing spines

What waits at our table like smoke caught in a bowl
Lift up the lid and see what you release
white and wafting, then is sealed away once more

Hold your breath and let the moment pass.
This is the secret of playacting--
in three hours time we can blow it out
and I will cast its shadow when I leave

But for now, in this moment between
though my hands lie clasped beneath
I find you in the waiting dark
and here we stay

Comments

Brief author's notes

[dismallyoriented]

1) "the world is dark and we are alive" is a refrain repeated throughout the game, after a candle goes out. You enter what's known as the Truths phase, where everyone at the table (GM included) declares something that is now true about the world/the state of the game. It's a chance for big narrative swings, and to add things into the mix. The final truth is always "The world is dark/and we are alive", stated as a call and response between the GM and players.

2) The "fire has a memory" stanza basically sprung into my head fully formed. 20 year old me was On One when she wrote this.

3) "What waits at our table like smoke caught in a bowl" is pulled directly from something that happened during the game. Rules as written, your character consists of 4 different traits and components, and after using one of these elements mechanically, you're supposed to burn the card it's written on. Naturally the rules also suggest a bowl in which to safely burn these cards in. We were foolish and also dumped the used candles into this bowl. One too many piles of wax later, the pool ignited after someone tried to deposit a lit card, and we had to quickly slam a plate down over the top to snuff it out. Lifting the plate released a plume of white smoke, which we capped again to let it dissipate without triggering the fire alarm. It was a beautiful plume and striking image, and the plate had some cool as shit smoke streaks on it at the end of the night.

4) "I will cast its shadow when I leave" - this was the first game in which I ever experienced bleed, and the first one I ever was too scared to sleep after. As a result, every time I or my wife have run it since, we always include a debrief period with the lights on afterward, to avoid any repeat experiences. Play safely, it's worth it.

[bodyetal]

oh this is incredibly cool and an incredibly beautiful poem—we would KILL to join a round of this game, it sounds amazing! -crow&

[dismallyoriented]

Thank you for reading! I mentioned it to Quinn, and she said she'd be down to try and run a oneshot of it for you& and some others, if you want to assemble a group. If that sounds interesting we can talk more in DMs about specifics.

[onlyknownothing]

Thank you for sharing! That's a really nice poem and a really ringing endorsement for that game!

[dismallyoriented]

Thank you! I'm not joking when I say it's one of my favorite tabletop games. You ever played something that like, exploded your ideas about what a game could look like? I've since delved more into the indie scene and seen things that operate in a similar mode, but this was a real paradigm-shifter for me. This poem doesn't always read as Transcendentally to me as it did when I first read it, but like. The need to capture how I felt during and after was this strong for a reason.