dismallyOriented

[Originally posted on cohost, 8/25/24]

Apologies for the slightly clickbait-y cadence of this title. It's the end of a workday and I'm trying to turn this thought I had yesterday into a real people post.

I recently watched this video from Tom Scott Plus, one of Tom Scott's many side channel projects. This channel generally involved collab videos with other youtubers, often involving him trying a new thing and learning a new skill. This one's the one where he learns how to walk a tightrope in about 2 days. It's a great video, one I highly recommend to anyone who's even a little interested, both because it's incredibly entertaining but also because the person instructing him, Chris Bullzini from the Bullzini Family Circus, steals the entire goddamn show.

I cannot overstate how great a job Chris does here as a teacher. He's a great speaker, real charismatic, but also a good chunk of his coaching is bound up in the mental game and personal philosophy as much as it is teaching the technical aspects of these skills. Some of it sounds like personal life coach shit, like "Don't say the f-word" in reference to falling. But some of it also sounds like the kind of mental toughness coaching that I more strongly associate with high level martial arts or professional athletes. Cultivating extreme mental clarity and focus, confidence in your bodily skill, and in general an intense body-and-mind awareness that is kind of necessary to like, risk life and limb doing impressive tricks at 50ft up off the ground.

In hindsight, it all makes a lot of sense. Athletes, martial artists, and circus performers all need to train a high level of physical skill and performance, and if you want to get good you will need to invest as much in the mental side as you do the physical. Both because you need a good mentality to be able to train your way to physical mastery without giving up (especially for something difficult or scary) but also because if you psyche yourself out, you might as well not have the skill at all, because your performance will fail if you lose your head.

The reason I make this post is like. Often it feels like the hallmark of circus-y factions in tabletop settings is focusing more on the whimsy, the itinerant entertainer aspect, the fun and unusual assemblage of skills. After watching that video I've been thinking about it more in lines of physical prowess and mental acuity too - all the things you need to train to be an acrobat are transferable skills to being a really cool fighter as well. And I think that's an interesting characterization point to dig into.

So, dating and plurality are topics that get covered a fair bit online, when you know the right places to look. (Hell, dreamwidth is one of those right places.) Unfortunately, the broader public not knowing a ton about plurality also means that there's a lot of facets of my relationships that I don't really get to share or talk about. I had a handful of opportunities to write about it recently, so now I'm making a big ol' post about it here. In case it helps people learn, or understand something a little better, or maybe gives some folks an idea of what their lives could look like.

Also! If you want to hear more about dating from plural folks themselves, I'd recommend you check out the work of LB Lee (on dreamwidth and itch.io), and the many videos available on the plural events youtube channel, the archive for the Plural Positivity World Conference. There are other written accounts on people's personal blogs and youtube channels, but these are the ones I personally go back to often.

 

( Alright, onto the rest of the post. )